Do Not Mock Starbucks New Mockable Coffee

January 13, 2012

Coffee giant Starbucks unveiled its new, mild "blonde" roasts earlier this week. According to Starbucks internal research, nearly 40 percent of Americans actually prefer the tasteless...err... lighter taste of these types of blends. Now, Starbucks thinks it can finally compete with Dunkin' Donuts and McDonald's for those people. The chain estimates lighter coffees could one day constitute a billion dollar business for them. 

Well, not all employees seem to think that. In fact, some were told they could be given a written warning for criticizing the new coffee. From Starbucks Gossip:

"We were told at a Regional Rally there are absolutely no Blonde jokes to be told around the coffee what so ever. It will be a written offense if so. This came right from the RD's [Regional Director] mouth to about 100 SM's [Store Manager] so communicate back to our stores at our own meetings.

It's like the time they told us we could not refer to Via as instant it must be called micro ground but then wrote instant on the packaging...great idea!"

Keep that to yourself and go drink some juice

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Amy Jeanroy's picture

Here's the thing; I love coffee ( lovingly referred to as Nectar of The Gods). I love strong, bold flavor and a hit of cream to keep me from getting an ulcer. 

To my palate, Starbucks tastes burnt. Not strong, bold or delicious. It tastes burnt. 

The insipid hot water, with a hint of color, sold in Nebraska under the ruse of being *coffee* is a joke as well. I have never had a drop of coffee out here that tastes like actual coffee-other than that aforementioned cup of burnt SB coffee. 

I know there are amazing coffee beans out there. I used to drink copious amounts of strong coffee from around the world, at a local bakery in Maine. Every cup was a delight and EACH one tasted like coffee. 

Why does it have to be burnt Starbucks, or tap water flavored brown water? 



Chef Patrick Frank's picture

I drink, some would say an excessive amount of coffee. Large french press at home before I'm out for the day, then usually at least one if not two 6 shot iced mochas throughout the day. Starbucks coffee is just BURNT! No matter how much you try and cover up their brew the overcarmelized crispy beans still come through. I know they sort of brought the coffee culture to Seattle, but there are some really good small roasters doing really nice coffee that don't empty my wallet just for my next fix!